cottonsox

Look how good my bum looks in these work out leggings. It's ..

Look how good my bum looks in these work out leggings. It's coming to eat you, silly teeny weeny man, yes I'm still thinking about that

I'm thinking about teeny weeny people again. When I was litt..

I'm thinking about teeny weeny people again. When I was little my favourite film was Thumbalina (I'm not googling how to spell it) and I also remember getting jealous of Stuart Littles fake mouse dad because he got to eat a huge nut.

Anyway, I wish I was teeny weeny so I could snuggle up on someone's testicals like a warm, fleshy beanbag and watch Task-Master

Thinking about his butt, my clit is sore but I keep going 😭

Thinking about his butt, my clit is sore but I keep going 😭

I'm have one of those days where I just want to lay in bed a..

I'm have one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and masturbate till it's over but I'm out of AA batteries 😟

Does anyone else carry a hidden burden of all the things the..

Does anyone else carry a hidden burden of all the things they've seen that turned them on but most definitely should not have turned them on?

Like, 🍑💦🙁 no one can ever know about this

Techboy made me jump by banging his erect penis against the ..

Techboy made me jump by banging his erect penis against the inside of his trousers like a drum, he won't be laughing when I inflate my pussy and blast them like the bag-pipes right in his face later

I've been working out my ASS. Do you like my ASS? I think it..

I've been working out my ASS. Do you like my ASS? I think it's looking pretty juicy, I've been picking up things with my cheeks for fun. Also, panties

I love you

Iron Cock - Part 1“Frustrated yet?” She giggled, gently gyra..

Iron Cock - Part 1

“Frustrated yet?” She giggled, gently gyrating her hips in a painfully perfect circular motion so the soft, wet flesh of her pussy twisted round his straining cock like a silk tourniquet. “You /look/ frustrated”

Lay on her single bed, bathed in the golden light beaming through her thin curtains, arms tied with ribbons to the cheap head-board, he groaned bitterly as yet another stuffed animal rolled onto his face. ‘Ultra endurance mega max’ sounded great on paper, ‘last longer than ever before’, he didn’t think he needed to take a pill to perform well enough in bed but she /insisted/ he try it. She only told him after she’d tied him down that it was essentially an edging pill, He’d be unable to cum un-till it wore off. 

“Mmm, it feels so big and angry inside me”. It was big and angry; painfully so. Every nerve in his dick was firing on full power and he could literally feel the pressure of his swollen prostate burning in his gut; the overwhelming intensity he was used to feeling for only a moment before the euphoric release of orgasm had extended into a mind melting agony, it was only through pure force of will that he wasn’t manning and wailing for mercy. “Feels so good! You’re just my Dildo now, aren’t you? Dildo?”

She loved him. He was gentle, considerate, fun and had a great cock he wielded well. Best of all he made her feel loved. That was new for her. It made her feel a little possessive, just a little, and somewhere inside her she felt a little embarrassed about that. ‘How dare he make me NEED him?!’ was the sentiment that motivated the occasional bout of sexually inclined punishment she felt compelled to inflict; a compulsion she indulged in simply because she knew he loved it when she did. It made him feel wanted when she claimed him like this.

With a pleasured grin she lent forwards slightly and arched her back so his bulging cock pressed right against the good bits inside her. “such good Dildo you are” she purred, grinding herself and looking down at his flustered face. He was so cute, face puffy and red, eye’s watering and strained, lips tightly drawn to keep the flushed moans from slipping out, so determined not to give away how utterly overstimulated he was yet lying there so perfectly obediently while she used him. The glint of defiance in his eyes as he look up into hers made her smile then push a small pile of toys gently over his head, “Dildos don’t have faces” 

She traced her fingers delicately up his inner arm, enjoying the contours of his firm muscles and vibration of the violent shiver it caused him. The ribbons tying his hands were symbolic, if he wanted to he could pull himself free in an instant. She found it very exciting how those big hands and strong arms, which so many times before held her helplessly pinned under him, could look so weak and useless by just a few suggestive words from her mouth. 

“My Dildo!” 

She began to ride him faster. From under the pile of teddies, muffled moaning; her tight cunt pumping his cock was too much for him to hold it in any more.

“OH FUCK, I- I-  CAN’T-“ He began to shout but was quickly silenced by two little fingers slipping into his mouth, which he began to suck on.

“Shhh, I’m gonna cum on my Dildo now” She murmured with a husky whisper, bracing herself with her free hand on his chest as her hips slammed wetly and wildly against his. Her building moans were drowned out by his guttural throat rumblings; his entire body felt as raw as an open wound but with pleasure instead of pain, his cock screamed and throbbed like it might literally explode, his mind completely wiped of anything but the desperate and impossible need to cum while her pussy pumped and twisted and tightened in it’s own building climax

“OH FUCK NNNNnn~” her hips tensed up and her cunt crushed his dick as it tried in vein to milk the cum out of it, a tiny squirt of juice spat out onto his groin and he groaned like a dying man. “Fuck, oh fuck” She breathlessly muttered, a little bead of sweat rolling down her freckled nose, “I love you”. Her pussy twitched happily around him as she greedily dragged her hands down his torso, leaving scratch marks without even meaning to. 

He was in a state. Practically blinded by the sudden light, the teddies over his face were knocked aside and a new wave of terrible exstacy assaulted him; her cool, soft body pressing against his and her tongue delving into his mouth. Her tongue rolled against his like a tentacle facing his very brain, her fingers rummaging in his hair could have been a thousand tongues slobbering his cock.  He was unstuck in time, the soft pull of her slit slipping off of him made him wail, he felt her whisper in his ear “Good boy” at the same time as her mouth lick its way down his chest. 

The air cooled his dick, numbing it slightly, almost enough for him to gather himself. Then he felt her soft hand around it. Her mouth was close enough that he could feel the warm air of her breath when she spoke “That’s one, How many times do you think I cum before you do?”

He could only throw his head back and wail in pleasure as her lips suckled their way down his cock.


This is part one of a series, got the creativeness inside me right now.

If you have any filthy suggestions for where this could go, please comment them! I LOVE YOU XOXO

Most the stuff I’ve written and drawn then shared on the int..

Most the stuff I’ve written and drawn then shared on the internet has been cautiously curated, you know? I have a rather creative mind and a lot of sexual trauma, my mind-scape is wide and deep with perversion. Obviously there’s terms of service that provide some usually quite vague rules to follow which I have mostly managed; there’s also some unspoken, I suppose you may call them expectations. 

There’s a lot of sexual concepts that I personally enjoy that I just don’t see out there all that much porn wise, you know? So here’s a little sample, testing the water, probing the reception. There’s layers to this, there’s a message deep up in there.

Anyway, if you like it I will go deeper, thicker, only if you like it though.

It's been suddenly quite chilly round here, winter seemingly..

It's been suddenly quite chilly round here, winter seemingly isn't willing to leave without a fight. It's nice to have a reason to light the burner though, the radiant heat feels so nice on my bum. I've been working out my bum, i think it's looking quite pert, what do you think? Can you think of any thing else that might feel good on my bum?

Last night Tech-Boy had a bit of a go at me, a feral and som..

Last night Tech-Boy had a bit of a go at me, a feral and somewhat deranged go. Firstly he held me down on my back and fucked me, blew a load inside. Then, after a brief rest he sat me on his dick and bounced my butt till he blew again, spanking me periodically I might add. And then, after I thought that two times would surely be enough for a Sunday night, he spoon fucked me and shot a third load inside my poor, by then slightly raw pussy.

Whilst I loved it, I didn't love having a constant slow dribble of cum running out of me all night onto my freshly changed bed sheets >:(

So this morning when he brought me a cup of tea I decided to rub his face in the mess he made like a naughty dog. I didn't let him out till he'd cleaned it all up. It's the only why he'll learn.

I’ve been working out! You may not appreciate how much of a ..

I’ve been working out! You may not appreciate how much of a big deal this is for me; I used to absolutely love exercising, it makes me feel good and it makes my body function correctly, I get nicer skin and just all around its good for me and my being. Then I had the bad times… you know I spent pretty much the whole summer of 23 in bed because I couldn’t bring myself to leave it? Oh how far I have come!

Anyway, I’ve been doing kegel exercises. Incase you don’t know what that is, it’s my PUSSY MUSCLES. Several times a day for the last couple of weeks I’ve been training them, clenching and unclenching, straining and tightening. I don’t know this prior but it actually can sort of spontaneously feel orgasmic, which is brilliant.  I can just sit there completely innocently, stealthily masturbating with my pelvic floor and no-one knows :3 

 I want to have the strongest pussy. I crave for the cunt an Olympian, a twat which can chew off a dick, a slit which can split wood like a hydraulic press, a pelvic floor which can bend iron. So far, it’s defiantly paying off; I can grab techboy’s dick quite snuggly, to the point where he almost cries from the gorilla grip of my girl garden. It gives me a feeling of power… but not enough. He takes it as a bit of a challenge, I got him with it just once by surprise a few days ago and he came in about 10 seconds. I just wrapped my legs around him and ground my hips while he groaned “what the fuck!?”. I snickered with pride at my clear victory in battle, but the war was not over. He rallied himself by the next evening.

I smirked watching him ease his cock inside me, his eyes filled with determination. I struck hard and fast, clenching my cunt with all my strength, wanking his cock with my hips; I underestimated him. I was the spry newbie boxer, flying out of the corner going for a quick knock-out, he was the seasoned veteran on the defence waiting for me to tire myself out behind his gloves. I was overconfident. I glanced my eyes down in mild alarm as I felt my grip weakening to see his dick as hard as diamonds and still well and truly inside me. He’d left about an inch or two out, I looked up to see his eyes no longer determined but vengeful, then he placed a hand lovingly around my neck and hammered me with those extra inches until my pussy lost all sensation and I was a braindead mess slumped in a puddle of squirt.

So, one-all right now. I will learn and adapt, he will not win and I will en-slave his dick to the service of of my overpowering pussy.

I am super sorry that I haven’t posted in a week, I have had..

I am super sorry that I haven’t posted in a week, I have had the flu. Well, I still have it and it is not fun. It’s extra annoying because Tech-Boy, being the Diabetic Dude he is, wen’t and got his flu jab in September and so he had just a couple days of fatigue and is now fine while I suffer on. At least he’s kind enough to take care of me while I slowly die.

Honestly, this happens every year and yet I still don’t ever go and get the jab like a good girl; truly clinical trauma is a Bastard. 

I always feel bad making posts without any photos which is why I never updated you but I got some and now I will perish. Wish me a quick recovery, I Still wanna take some better picks as Velma :(

For years people have been telling me I look like Velma. So ..

For years people have been telling me I look like Velma. So I finally went and got myself a little costume, which I think I pull off fantastically. Now all I need is a man dressed like a monster to stumble across me looking for my glasses on all fours like I don't know EXACTLY what I'm doing .

Anyway, I took some weak and lazy photos. I wanna do something better with this. Ideas?

I took some pictures for you, I wanna write about them but I..

I took some pictures for you, I wanna write about them but I'm having some kinda writing funk right now. I want a pizza

Hello you beautiful people and other such things. This is an..

Hello you beautiful people and other such things. This is another sort of blog-y post; I meant to let you all know last week that I had to panic idly do my tax returns and so I would probably post less but I fittingly was too overwhelmed to remember to do that and I feel bad about that now, I even made a little comic to compliment that un-posted post but it’s irrelevant now, oops. I’m sorry. But good new’s is that it’s all done and I can stop worrying about doing it and move on to worrying about if I did it right and if the tax police are going to unexpectedly come round to repossess my arse and titties or whatever they do. 

Honestly I’m still quite blown out by the whole affair and I would start writing about it but I doubt you want to read about my struggle to force myself to do something both painfully boring yet terrifyingly high stakes. It could be the theme for some kind of indie horror film though now I think about it, it could be called “Tedium” and feature a protagonist who must complete a series of increasingly boring tasks while an un-seen and unspeakable entity leans over them, instantly punishing any sign of distraction with violent and shocking retribution. I’d definitely watch the first 10 minutes of a film like that on Netflix then get distracted and switch to something else.

So, what else has been going on? I made my bedroom nice finally; that’s not very interesting but I have taken some nice photos in there. Uhh, I tried drawing again after taking a huge break but I got bad feelings and I haven’t been able to finish anything much more than a doodle… I’m trying to eat healthy but I had a Great White tier shark week and only burgers and butter could stop me from doing the murders… Oh and Bonnie (My cat) got an eye injury and TB dropped everything he was doing right away to take her to the vets like a good Cat step-daddy. He’s a sweet-heart. I had a shower! Call me a good girl for washing!

Tell me what’s going on with you. I know I suck at replying to comments but I do read them all and I love hearing about your lives, anyway, LOVE YOU XOXO

You know, when I first started posting pictures of myself on..

You know, when I first started posting pictures of myself online of the lewder variety, I was only going to post my feet. It felt kind of safe, I have nice little feet, people who liked feet like them and several people who didn’t like feet in general were surprised and disgusted to find they did like mine. I personally do not understand the appeal, but I do like stepping on dick. 

Feels nice, like stepping on a big squishy worm or a fat slug. There’s just no way of treating a penis with affection when it’s under your foot or between your feet like a sausage in a bap. It’s like, “Yeah! Stupid dumb penis! Get squashed! NYEHEHEH”, quite a little power trip for myself.

 I am curious though, those of you who like feet, what are you thinking when you look at them? Is it as simple as the sight of appealing feet bringing unexplainable arousal, or is there a a fantasy that is provoked? I’d like to understand because I was initially going to write a little foot teasing erotica but I just don’t think I understand what’s exciting about feet and foot jobs well enough to do one. So let me know, INSPIRE ME!

Anyway, How’s the year treating you all so far? It feels like every year lately has just started with catastrophe; not personal catastrophe, my January’s are generally quite peaceful, but like, world event catastrophe. I don’t want to bring up anything specific because maybe people don’t want to be reminded of that stuff but if you’re out there and going through hell, I’m thinking about you and wishing things work out in the end and I also love you.

I’m going to be a little more tied up that usual for a bit because TikTok is getting banned and I now need to start the tedious task of preparing to move all my videos and stuff to whatever new platform everyone decides they want to collect their personal information… or at the very least I need to coax my Tech-Boy into doing all that for me.

I love you, Take care XOXO

I have a butt, it’s a good butt I think :3 I’m not the only ..

I have a butt, it’s a good butt I think :3 I’m not the only one who thinks it’s a good butt either, which is very validating. There’s this one guy who, upon seeing my butt, cannot control himself. I need only roll over and flash him with the light of my full moon and he transforms from a gentle boy playing nerd games next to me into some kind of ferocious pussy devourer, a rapid tongued cunt delver, a squirt vampire. It’s very nice.

One of my favourite things to do is to expose my tender hills then tell him no touching. Obviously I do want him to touch me eventually; I know it, he knows it, that’s the game though. It’s so fun watching him wrestle with the demon inside, how he stares at me with increasingly feral eyes , how his composure slowly erodes away till he’s flailing at me and grabbing at his crotch. Just teasing him, testing his self control, smiling at him and periodically flashing more and more of myself, poking out my tongue with mouth wide open then playing dumb, sticking a finger inside myself to waft under his nose, little naughty things. When he’s somewhere between a man and rabid wolf, that’s when it’s the best time to set him free.

It’s hard to describe in words the mix of thrills that come from giving yourself over to a monster of your own creation; Being the one in control of the tempo then suddenly just laying back and accepting the fate you designed, like some kind of sexual take on throwing yourself off a tower you built. He will leap on me, grip his big strong hands tightly around my hips, pin me down into the sheets with clenched arms then stuff his fat tongue as deep as it can reach inside my slit. He’ll suck and lap my juices like he was dying of dehydration, then beat the ever-loving shit out of my clit with his mouth. Doesn’t even matter that my top half is unrestrained, the only part of me he cares about is stuck firmly around his tongue and the rest of me is just attached to it. I can’t do anything but lay there and become his dinner, watching him devour me like a slobbering dog wolfing down carelessly unattended ice cream. It’s great :3 

Once he’s had his fill he’ll raise up like a sea monster, dripping and wet and eye’s wild. It’s fortunate I’m always so wet by that point because I don’t think my pussy would survive the rapid, long and deep cunt smashing his raging cock delivers otherwise. It’s just desserts for teasing him I guess, having my legs bent up so far I feel like a pretzel then getting my insides mashed like potatoes whilst he bites my neck and shoulders just a little too hard. The smacking and slapping of his hips against my arse will suddenly sound all together wetter, slopping and squelching, the squirt pumped from my body with every unrelenting thrust, I strain out uncontrollable groans and think about how I forget to put a towel down, again. With an inhuman howl he’ll throw back his head and thrust one, two, three, four last times, crashing all his body weight behind a dick that has swelled just a little bit bigger. It’s painful in a good way, tenderising my baby chamber before a laser of burning hot cum finishes me off and he pulls out leaving me a dripping, gasping, sweating mess laying in puddle of sex.

The cutest thing is how he always seems so embarrassed afterwards. “I don’t know what came over me” or something to that effect, making sure I’m okay, kissing and holding me in the safest way. Somehow he still hasn’t realised that this is all by design, which is great because it makes it really easy to convince him he should clean up all the mess. I get to sit all comfy and watch him change my sheets and bashfully dry the mattress with the hairdryer. It makes me want to flash him some more :3 

I’ve been having a lot of nightmares lately, lately being th..

I’ve been having a lot of nightmares lately, lately being the last few years and a lot being 2 - 3 each and every night. Is that normal? I always assumed that most people bring up nightmares every time they have one, which is not that often; I, on the other hand, only feel the need to bring up nightmares when I have a particularly troubling subconscious late-night picture show… a feeling I can’t act on because the content of such dreams is not suitable for work or for life in general.

It must be so nice to bore the pants off someone telling them about your “weird dream” where Captain Planet was cheese and time went upwards, oh and Jeff from that place a few years ago was there and he was also your mother. I can only watch peoples faces curl into disturbed disgust as I recall my night of redacted where redacted in fire made of images of my own screaming face; oh and there was a puppy but it redacted. 

No, in fact I only tell people about my rare non-horrific dreams, which are inexplicably still on level with most peoples nightmares. So for the most part, I present like everyone else in terms of dream disclosure. I don’t talk about them except for bringing up a rare socially acceptable nightmare, packing the rest into my increasingly cramped “don’t think about it” box . It makes me wonder how many other people are out there, silently suffering through broken sleep every single night, fitting in is such a burden.

It’s a few nights after Christmas. You rub your eyes, itchy ..

It’s a few nights after Christmas. You rub your eyes, itchy from staring through the week long dissociative episode you just snapped out of; The dread of the season has mostly been excreted and now only a few smears are left to wipe way. 

You’re warm and snuggly, sunk into the familiar pillows of your sofa, inexplicably dressed in loose cotton pyjamas. The scent of fresh laundry mingles with the golden aroma of burning logs; a gentle knocking to your right draws your attention. A bulked mass of tartan is hunched packing wood into the fireplace, slowly a grateful peace floods the room. A warming glow and soft crackling.  

Without a word he leaves to clatter in the kitchen whilst you collect your marbles, then he returns smiling reassuringly and hands you a steaming hot turkey sandwich. Turkey, sausage, gravy, cranberry sauce and butter. Perfection. You eat it like you don’t remember eating for a full week prior as he sits down to cuddle up next to you. 

Silently you share the moment, aside from him chuckling while showing you a photo of a knitted buffalo bill he found on reddit. It did look like a Femboy with blue stockings, you agreed.  It’s quite difficult to imagine ever feeling any more content than you did right then.

It is sudden but welcome when his hands slip around your waist then slide your pyjama trousers down, trailing kisses down your legs to your feet, then trailing kisses back up again. 

If heaven were a place on earth, it would be on that sofa, with a tummy full of turkey, submerged in the warmth of the fire, listening to the ambient sounds of the crackling fireplace and his lips gently smacking around your clit.

Merry Christmas Everyone ! I love you all

Merry Christmas Everyone !

I love you all

I’m not a fan of this time of year. I was hoping this year, ..

I’m not a fan of this time of year. I was hoping this year, having another person around who I have mutual caring about each other situation with, that it would be easier; in many ways it is… just in unexpected ways it isn’t. These are all me problems, I know that, I don’t want to be a grinch… it’s just there’s more going on to remind me of all the years of Christmas’s spent alone in one way or another, now I’m not alone but my body doesn’t know what to do about that. I’m like an anxious dog that’s so used to getting beaten that now being gently petted makes me wee everywhere in fear. 

Anyway, I managed to Take some more pictures of my arse just before I had a big old breakdown on the sofa. Don’t even know what about, just the season for that sort of thing I guess. Anyway, Love you, hope you’re all keeping it together better than I am. Merry Solstice! 

Hello! I have been indulging in the dark art of bakery a bit..

Hello! I have been indulging in the dark art of bakery a bit lately. Maybe it’s because I’m feeling more alive than usual that one of my migratory hobbies has returned to nest for the winter months and I’ve been refining a cookie recipe. 

Just for clarification for the US readers, here in the UK what you call cookies are called biscuits and a cookie is a specific breed; a sweet, chewy, crunchy, goo-y and chocolate chip-y breed. Now, there are many brands and makes of cookie available in UK, many places to buy them from and they all range in quality. Annoyingly it’s very hard to find a really good cookie, a thouroughbred if you will. They’re always too crunchy or too goo-y or soft or just wrong. I don’t even know where my lofty cookie expectations come from honestly, I just know I have longed for a good cookie and none have scratched that itch… UNTIL NOW

I had a baking spat a few years ago before I left my old life, no-doubt trying to mask the reality of my miserable situation with butter, sugar and flour. There were a load of videos on YouTube called things like “THE BEST COOKIE EVER 100 HOURS TO MAKE” And I tried a load of them and they all SUCKED. They did not make cookies, they made hot cookie dough that was too rich to eat on its own. It went great with ice-cream on the side like a pudding or something but as a biscuit they sucked incredibly. Despite that, I ate far too much of it and consequently put cookie research on ice. 

Now though, I have landed on a damn good cookie. My own little adaption of all I learned, it’s not going to earn any awards or change the world, but if you ate one you would say “MM, that’s a yummy cookie!” And that’s all I ever wanted.

So, here goes:

ALICE’S YUMMY COOKIES

Ingredients:

180g unsalted butter

100g Dark brown soft sugar

150g Light brown soft sugar

100g white granulated sugar

275g plain white flour

1 large egg, room temperature 

1 large egg yolk, room temperature 

1 tsp vanilla extract

1/2 tsp of bicarbonate of soda

1/2 tsp of sea salt

250g milk chocolate chips

150g dark chocolate chips

First thing to do is measure out all the different sugars. Be sure to have two bowls for each variety to facilitate easy re-weighing. You have to re-weigh all the ingredients several times because you’re an idiot who can’t do anything right and you’d be a damn fool to believe you could measure out 100 grams on a scale correctly first or even second time. Once you’ve assured yourself a few times that the scales are working correctly and everything is as it should be, time to admire the sugar. Baked goods need to be made with love and I’ve found love mixes best with sugar before any other ingredients are involved to make it feel overlooked. Look lovingly into each bowl, tell the granules how pretty they are, flirt them up a bit but not too much; you want to infuse the sugar with love, not lust, trust me on that one. I find giving the dark brown sugar some kisses works great, it seems to be a particularly love starved sweetener.

Now you can do the thing you really should have done first but forgot to, which is to brown the butter. Put the butter in a pot on a low heat until it melts, don’t touch butter with your fingers at any point or you will have to compulsively lick them for a while and then wash your hands again (You did wash your hands, right?). Once melted, keep the butter on a medium heat and keep stirring it. This a hard bit, you need the heat to make the butter go golden brown but too much heat makes the butter ANGRY and it will spit at you and try to kill you and if it’s gets super mad it will go black and taste like burnt shit. Ideally It’ll like, foam up, then go clear and bubbly, then it will foam up again and go golden brown and start to smell like butterscotch or Worther’s Originals. I find sort of hesitantly holding the pot hovering over a medium heat while stirring, raising and lowering the pot to keep its temper in check works well for me. This is also why I use unsalted butter because I just can’t make this work with salted, salted butter has anger issues or something.

Anyway, once that’s done, you can do the sugar part while the butter cools down a bit, then you can do the other ingredients. 

Lay two large eggs. If you can’t lay your own eggs, then you can substitute with chicken eggs. You can find chicken eggs in normal shops, chicken nests or, if you want to cut out the middle man, inside of chicken cloacas.  Crack one egg open and spill around about a teaspoons worth of the white into the sink, put the rest of the egg in a cup, then remove the shell. Crack another egg and spill all of the white into the sink, then add the yolk into the cup with the other egg. Add the vanilla extract and resist the urge to drink the delicious vanilla eggs, you need them for later.

Measure the flour, measure it again, then one more time or more if you feel doubtful, then add the bicarbonate of soda which you shouldn’t eat. Get the salt, realise you have granulated sea salt, then try to crush the granules into smaller and more suitable granules with the back end of a knife in your plastic Tupperware. If most of it gets spring launched out of the tub and all over the floor, just add some more granules to the tub and keep trying! Don’t let the salt win! Add the salt and then you’ve got your salty, chemical flour ready to go too! 

Now to mix it all up! Pour the butter into the lovely sugar and mix it all up with an electric hand mixer, it’s important to scream as you do this because it’s loud and motors are scary. Then add the forbidden custard (egg and vanilla) and mix it all together again with the hand mixer for 2 minutes. Mixing does something or other to the eggs which affects the final cookie, 2 minutes with my hand mixer gives the best results I have found. Less than that and the overconfident eggs get all pushy and make the cookie crumbly and spongy, any more and the eggs are too downtrodden to hold the mix together in the oven and the cookie goes dense and flat. 2 minutes of beating gives well disciplined eggs, yes.

Then add the salty chemical flour. You could add it carefully like everyone says but you don’t have time for that, you want cookies! Chuck the whole load in there and mix it till it goes so dense that your mixer starts to make bad sounds and smell bad. Then use your hands! It feels so bad! So bad on your hands! AHHH! But you must, for cookies! Mix it up, it should be wet enough to stick to your hands a little but dry enough to peel off. I get it perfect every time so I don’t know what to do if yours isn’t like that. Then you need to knead it for 5 minutes, like bread; but not like bread because it’s nothing like bread dough. Just beat it up, fold it and then PUNCH IT, then fold it and PUNCH IT. LOVINGLY! Tell it that you’re doing this for it’s own good and that it hurts you more than hurts it so it knows that it’s it’s own fault for not having enough elastisisy and not because you don’t love it. If you don’t do this then the cookie will not be chewy and then you may as well throw it in the bin. 

Once that’s done, eat 50 grams of the milk chocolate chips and then 50 grams of the dark chocolate chips. Add the remaining chips to the mix and fold them in. Your dough is complete! Now go back to before you started doing anything and preheat the fan assisted oven to 170 C. 

Next get your cookie scoop, realise that you don’t have a cookie scoop, grab a big squidge of dough and make it into a ball about the size of a plumb or one of Tech-Boy’s testicles, put it on some greaseproof paper on a baking tray. I put 6 on the tray because that’s as many as I can fit with space around them for what comes next. I like to tease the balls as I line them up; eluding to the burning fate which awaits them in the oven without outright saying it to them. I don’t think that’s necessary though, I just think it’s fun to bully them before they melt and un-alive. 

Say goodbye like a bond villain and put the little victim balls in the oven for 12 minutes. Set a timer, don’t forget. Then stand at the door and watch them melt, imagine them screaming for help as they flatten then start crying out of guilt for what you’ve just done. When the timer goes off, quickly pull yourself together and take them out. They should still be goo-y and not looked fully cooked. Then leave them on the tray for 5 minutes so they cook that last little bit with the heat they took with them from the oven. Then bite one and burn the inside of your mouth, put the rest on a wire rack to cool and you did it!

Honestly, the cookies are best if you wrap the dough in cling film and keep it in the fridge over night before baking, giving the dough a chance to marinate in the fear of the oven adds extra character to the flavours. ENJOY :3

For a TLDR version that’s a bit more sane:

ALICE’S YUMMY COOKIES (Sane version)

Ingredients:

180g unsalted butter

100g Dark brown soft sugar

150g Light brown soft sugar

100g white granulated sugar

275g plain white flour

1 large egg, room temperature 

1 large egg yolk, room temperature 

1 tsp vanilla extract

1/2 tsp of bicarbonate of soda

1/2 tsp of sea salt

200g milk chocolate chips

100g dark chocolate chips

Preheat a fan assisted over to 170 C ( google for conversions to your won oven) Brown the butter in a pan over a low heat, allow to cool slightly. Add all the sugars to a bowl, add the browned butter and mix. Remove a teaspoon of the white from the egg and add the remaining egg, the other yolk and the vanilla extract to the bowl, mix for 2 minutes with an electric mixer. Add the flour, salt and bicarbonate of soda to the bowl and mix into a thick but easily pliable dough. Knead the dough for 5 minutes Add the chocolate chips and mix till even (Optional)Refrigerate the dough for 24 hours  Place evenly sized balls around 5cm in diameter on baking paper on a backing tray with space between them and back for 12 minutes, remove from the oven and leave on the pan for a further 5 minutes then transfer to a cooling rack.

Anyway anyway, which would you choose to have with a warm glass of milk; a plate of my freshly baked cookies or my thick behind chewy behind?

I took some photos! Not naughty ones of me but of pretty thi..

I took some photos! Not naughty ones of me but of pretty things outside. The light was so beautiful that day and I felt compelled to capture it. I like photography, I wanted to be a children’s photographer in a time long ago. I felt I had the photography skills for it but, alas, being a photographer needs skills beyond just being good with a camera. You need to be able to talk to people, manage money, keep appointments, be reliable, be presentable, all stuff that makes me want to roll up into a ball and stuff myself into a high pressure pipeline.

Anyway, I’m sharing them here because I think they’re really nice, oh how did that get in there 

“Whaaaaat? I’m just doing my Exercises” A mischievously chee..

“Whaaaaat? I’m just doing my Exercises” A mischievously cheeky smile accompanied the blatant lie, still you weren’t exactly in a position to call her out on it.

“Well, I don’t think this is time for that; You’re supposed to be studyin-“

“Shhhhhh!” She interrupted, stretching one leg up to her chest so the tight pink fabric of her tights left little to the imagination.

Oh, the imagination. What a troublesome thing to have at a time like this. A Tutor should not be imagining such things at all; let alone in the presence of their student. It would be highly inappropriate for a tutor to imagine the taste of his student’s pussy, Most unbecoming to fantasise on the softness of his student’s buttocks and thoroughly unethical to visualise the sight of his student’s face as she were roughly fucked into the sofa; yet you couldn’t help it and she was clearly reviling in it.

“D-don’t shush me! You need to go over these questions-“

“WOW MY BUM IS GETTING SORE FROM ALL THESE STRETCHES“ 

She was on all fours now, waggling her rear end at you. Was she wearing panties? It was very hard not to check. She was being rude, and not just rude but also vulgar! By all rights you aught to be giving her a stern telling off; a distinguished man of intellect such as yourself should not tolerate such naughtiness. Unfortunately you were becoming so befuddled by the hypnotic gyrating of her soft, bubbly, juicy rump that the words to scold her couldn’t find their way out of your mouth.

It was getting closer. You could ignore the sight, close your eyes, but you couldn’t ignore the scent. The naughty, alluring scent. A smell no-one would dare describe as pleasant in descent company yet a smell so wonderfully rude it made your mouth water. Your words finally found their way and you opened your mouth to deliver them, “NOW LISTEN HERE LITTLE MISS-“ You opened your eyes just in time to see two pink lacy hills crash down onto your face. She was not wearing panties, her buttocks were softer than you speculated, her pussy tasted marvellous.

She wasn’t heavy. You could easily have taken off of you, but she’d won. You lapped and sucked like a good little chair as she giggled and moaned and ground your face between the lips of her delicious cunt. 

I made a Vlog! It's been a long time since my last one.I'll ..

I made a Vlog! It's been a long time since my last one.

I'll resister the urge to paraphrase everything I said but to sum it up, I've gotten help and I am resolved to get my shit together.

I love you guys and thank-you for everything, That's not a good-bye, I'm just grateful to you all

Love you XOXO

 Something nice about my little accident with my medication,..

Something nice about my little accident with my medication, a silver lining if you will, is that I had to take a little break from them. As nice as it is to have my mood evened out, there are downsides to taking them; The worst being that I cannot cum. In fact, I can’t even get wet or aroused much at all. From past experience I know that this problem eventually goes away with time but, boy oh boy, is it a real stinker for the first several months. The desire doesn’t go away, it’s a physical block in the way of the sexual release my mind craves. It’s extremely frustrating.

So, after several days off my meds which I had to take following the incident, the other night I discovered that my cunt was puffy and pretty and wet and SCREAMING for attention. I just so happened to have a conveniently placed penis haver lying next to me. Now, usually I am quite a shy and subtle dick acquirer; I’l hint and tease and prod until the hint is successfully received. This time though, I was a bit too frustrated for all that and I just grabbed his hand and started aggressively rubbing it against my clit through my panties. 

It felt good :3

He must have been a bit dumbfounded as he didn’t seem to react much, I wasn’t really paying attention to him  though; I was too focused how nice my parts felt when I ground his fingers into them. I wanted more, so before I think he’d even had to chance to really figure out what was happening I pulled my panties aside and dragged his face down there so I could grind that into my pussy instead.

That felt really good :3

He kept trying to stick his tongue out to lick my clit but I didn’t want that. I pressed his head down and ground his nose against my clit really hard. It was so nice seeing his surprised eyes look up at me over my mound and through his curly hair, feeling the cool breeze as he sucked air in whenever he could, then feeling the hot breath out trickle over my slit, feeling his fat tongue wriggling and lapping at my swollen and goopy hole, oh it was so very nice. I would have stuffed his whole head inside me if it were possible to.

No, Instead I just eventually let him go. He raised up, gasping for breath, looking like a feral animal, face and beard dripping with my pussy cream. It’s hard for him too when I’m on the meds, sex happens a lot less and when it does he needs to be extra careful with me, so needless to say that I spent the next 2 hours receiving a thoroughly pent up fucking. He really likes to savour it when I’m in a mood like that. It was like being the sex toy of an edging bull or something, I was begging for his cum inside me long before he cared to give it to me.

Anyway, I’m feeling actually better now. I’ve been playing Silent hill 2 the remake and it’s pretty great. I played the original when I was little and it’s a very good and faithful remake. Makes me wonder what Silent Hill would be like from my perspective if I ever found myself there… Probably lots of penises 

Anyway bye XOXO

Well, do I have a story for you…So, I started on meds again,..

Well, do I have a story for you…

So, I started on meds again, was going great. I had designated Techboy as my medicine helper man, a role which he was happy to fill. Unfortunately I probably should have checked his CV more throughly as then I would have remembered that Techboy has ADHD. 

Fun little fact, you can die if you take antidepressants and ADHD medication at the same time. Guess who ADHD’d some ADHD medication with my antidepressants last week! Techboy did! I nearly died! Woo!

I don’t blame him for it, I must take responsibility too. I saw it was a different colour pill and was too depressed to question it… but I did genuinely have a bad time. It’s called serotonin syndrome. I was a complete mess and it really didn’t help that I’m such a mess usually we didn’t even figure out what was going on until 2 days after it happened. 

I was having intense muscle spasms, delusions, hallucinations, nausea and all other manner of unpleasantries occurring for five whole days until it stopped. I feel like I had a week’s holiday in biblically accurate hell. 

So that’s where I’ve been. Oh, and I nearly drowned trying to take a shower. I got stuck on the floor and the water was spraying on my face and slowly waterboarding me. Naturally my first thought was to shave my legs because I was in a perfectly reasonable state of mind. Anyway, I didn’t drown and I’m okay now kinda.

I made a comic about it because I think, on reflection, it’s very funny.

I also think my tummy is looking quite nice though, what do you think? 

I think… I am not well really. I don’t know.

Anyway, love you byeeee xoxo

“Yes, it’s a trap-““SHHH!! You’re not supposed to TELL them ..

“Yes, it’s a trap-“

“SHHH!! You’re not supposed to TELL them it’s a trap!”

You watch the naked “women” bicker in baffled silence, the sweet aroma which drew you here in the first place thickly smiling in the air and weighing down your words.

“Oh, relax, come on! Look at him! He doesn’t care that it’s a trap, he’s practically drooling already” The girl with the sharper hair bit her lip and ran her eyes down your dishevelled, rag dressed body like a competitive eater sizing up a 20 oz prime rib, “And so am I, I’m sick of all the teasing and drawling and pointless wordplay you pull every time! I want him in here!”

The other girl with curly hair nervously flickered her eyes to yours, then back to scowl at her friend, “w-what do you mean? Drawling?-”

“‘Oh yes my sweet, come to me and you’ll never have to worry about anything ever again’ like how’s that any less ominous than what I said?” The spiky haired one put on a silly voice as she mocked the other, who’s skin turned a slightly more embarrassed shade of pink

“Oh my god you are such a BITCH!” The curly one yelled

“And you’re a PRETENTIOUS CUNT!” 

The mostly immobile women set upon each other in a frantic struggle, pulling each other’s hair and wresting as fiercely as two people glued together at the hip could ever have. It was quite a titillating watch to say the least.  

Their perfectly soft pink skin splattered spots of white lubricant as they writhed their naked bodies against each other, moaning and grunting sweetly as they clashed. Their plump breasts bounced and bobbled together in a hypnotic dance whists the girls faces got closer and closer until the fight turned into a passionate, sultry snog. Suddenly the girls arms were wrapped around each other, their tongues deeply stuffing and wriggling through muffled moans of relief. Both quickly slipped a hand down to fondle and tease the other’s drooling pussy, feeding more passion into their lustful clash.

You felt a bit awkward, you didn’t know what you expected to find at the source of that scent but getting cucked by a man eating sex trap would certainly not have been a guess. They’d seemingly forgotten you were there. You tucked your painfully hard erection into your waistband to keep it out the way and listened to the logical part of your brain by slowly backing away.

“Where are you going?” The spiky hair girl broke from the kiss to ask you?

“Don’t you want to join in?” The curly haired one followed, speeding the pussy lips of her friend to display the inviting wetness within

You could no longer hear the logical part of your brain over the bellowing of your cock; you practically dove into their arms.

“See, I told you he didn’t care”

“Oh shut up” 

So, you’re probably wondering where the hell I’ve been; that..

So, you’re probably wondering where the hell I’ve been; that or you checked on my other social media and you already know that I moved house! Yes, very exciting, I moved in with TechBoy and it’s going well so far, he dotes on me and it’s lovely, I feel loved. In fact, I don’t think it would have been possible for me to move house if not for him, even with his help and constant presence I have predictably melted into a puddle of insanity.

The evening after all my stuff got moved I had a bit of a moment. I’d been hiding in a secure location while TechBoy handled all the work but when I arrived at the new house and found all my stuff still in boxes piled up in an unfamiliar room the sense of upheaval hit me hard and I vanished from my own head.

In the morning, Techboy told me that I had snuck out and walked miles in the pitch dark and rain to my old house. I then stood there at the front door with no key until he noticed I was missing and called me. I have no memory of this at all… well I remembered and relayed some details a few nights later during another meltdown which I also don’t remember; apparently while I walked the aura borealis lit up the sky red and I could see my way for a while, sounds made up to me but it could be true? Who knows, I’m trying not to think about the implication of remembering things I did during meltdowns only while having meltdown, like some kind of split personality with separate memories, yeah, no thank-you to that. 

Anyway, my point is that the move hit my mental state quite hard to say the least. I did the healthy thing though and tried to give myself a break, get accustomed to the new place, allow myself to find safety here and let my head settle rather than force myself to make things. Techboy has done a lot of unpacking and decorating and building stuff and that’s all getting mostly finished now, I’m starting to feel better so I have returned.

In fact, and I am very hesitant to say this as I’ve not felt it in a long time but, I feel kinda hopeful. 

I talk about it a lot less than the agoraphobia ( incidentally, I just realised that I have not been outside since my breakdown nighttime stroll a couple of weeks ago… huh), but I’ve had slowly worsening chronic fatigue the last year and a half. It got to the point at the start of summer where I couldn’t really exercise at all without having to spend the next two days in bed with narcolepsy. This sucks as I like exercise, it’s one of the few things I could do to feel better about myself and it was slowly taken from me, it made me very very depressed to be so useless. I felt like a useless blob of flesh. Well, on Sunday I started some new meds and it’s just, gone? I don’t have the fatigue anymore. Sure, I have insomnia and I have lost all sex drive and I have started twitching like an insane cartoon character but I can move and the brain fog is gone so I count that as a massive net positive for the time being! I feel like I can do things again! It’s only been a day of it really so I don’t want to get to excited over it, easy come easy go as they say, but even a day of feeling like this is a treasure to me. I hope I stay feeling like this so I can start producing more stuff like I used to. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Lastly, I want to thank all of you so much. I don’t say it often enough, I realise, but you guys all changed my life. Individually, each and every one of you, thank-you from the bottom of my heart, your support and you being here or just watching my videos or reading my threads, that has helped me so much and I don’t know where I would be right now without your care. I’m getting a bit emotional writing this honestly. It’s overwhelming and honestly uncomfortable to think about how you come here just for me, I don’t think I deserve to be this loved, but I will make myself acknowledge it more often because it is the least I can do to thank you and keep making stuff to entertain you.

I love you all so much, Thank-you! Now, I better get to work!!