I can't always put a ton of energy into every post, but posting consistently is good for my mental health, so I appreciate being able to put my thoughts and images out to the universe. I still grapple with pondering the details of my lived experience on a regular basis, including wrestling with memory loss and Cotard's delusion (the belief that one is already dead) when my mind is stressed and preoccupied with explaining the psychotic episode/NDE that occurred a month ago. Today I finally have an appointment with a psychiatrist for formal diagnosis and medication management, and I look forward to feeling supported and on a healthy, directed path again, this time with the missing piece of sobriety now in place.
I am looking for a job, putting one foot in front of the other to make money so I can afford to move out of this house that doesn't belong to me into something more independent in a city with more opportunities and connections, and trying to fill my time with productive pursuits without getting overwhelmed. It's challenging when my thoughts are scattered between "background thinking" and all the different passions and hobbies I've amassed over the years, especially as none of them feel comfortable or "right" right now, but I am trusting that this season will pass with the help of time and medication, and I will emerge a more unified and cohesive person on the other side of the fog.
One of the biggest challenges is explaining myself to potential employers. "What do you do?" is a question with too big an answer, as the honest truth is a little bit of everything. I'm a writer, poet, visual artist, singer, healer, tarot reader, editor, and more. Which one are they looking for, and can I be it? Can I fit myself into their box? Maybe. Add on top of that "verified crazy person whose life has revolved around cycles of success and failure" and you've got a hard sell for anybody looking at a stack of resumes.
This is why Onlyfans has been such a godsend. As I learn to manage money and budget what I have, it's been wonderful to have a place where I can make money being exactly myself, in all my weird neuroticism. If you've read this far, you're one of those people who takes interest in my mind as well as my body. Thank you, thank you, a thousand times thank you for caring about who I am, apart from all the boxes I may or may not check.
Some morning gratitude, a few nakeys + a 4 minute long relaxed joyful naked dance to Thank U by Alanis Morissette. Feeling gratitude for the miracle of me being alive. I've taken so much for granted in life, bitched and moaned at this unfairness of this or that, when really being human and cared for is such a rare and profound experience. All of it grist for the mill of awakening, an uncomfortable, deeply moving, terrifying ride. It's songs like this that tell me I'm not alone in the experiences I've had that have challenged my way of being in and seeing the world. We're not alone- no matter what you're feeling, someone else has come before you that's felt it or thought it too. 🧡💜
A reminder for new and old fans:
I am less than one month out from an episode of mind-fracturing stress that required hospitalization. One of the safeguards to my mental wellbeing and ability to continue posting is that I cannot check DMs with much regularity. This is not from lack of gratitude, but because the stress of indebtedness will eat me alive if I engage with every person and message in my inbox. Thank you for understanding and helping me pursue financial autonomy during this difficult time. Your support means more than you could possibly know.
Videos (~4 minutes) of me enthusiastically sucking Rain's cock and balls and then riding him like the horny lady I am. He always feels fantastic inside me and this is a great POV snippet of our sex life!
(If you've been dying to see me fuck, this is the first opportunity I've created other than a single video on Rain's page a year or two ago~)
This session comes in 2 parts: pics + videos!
This is a gallery of me sucking Rain's delicious cock and balls (my fave) this afternoon. If you're desperate for more vivid action, videos of me sucking and riding him are next! 😈
A relaxing foot bath and nail painting, pics + video!
If you notice little pieces of black shit everywhere, it's because our leather couch has been literally disintegrating and we haven't been able to get rid of or replace it. Thank you for understanding!
Did my first paid tarot reading today and it felt exciting and terrifying and beautiful. Decided to reward myself with a little foot soak and painted my nails for the first time in ages. Video + more detailed shots in a bit!
Hello and welcome to all you recent fans- it means the world to me that you're here supporting my journey. I hope I bring hope and light to your world with my body and other content! As I am figuring out how to live in the world and pay my bills, I will sometimes post free content and sometimes keep more provocative or fetish content for those able to pay. My hope is to find a balance that offers something to everyone! Thank you for understanding and exchanging energy with me here. Comments, likes, and dollars all inspire me to keep putting one foot in front of the other on challenging days.
With love,
Star
About to take a shower!
I'm a bit limited right now because I'm using my old phone which has a broken screen and is wifi only, hope you still enjoy my legs and feet and butt (with bits of our disintegrating couch on it) and bobs 😅🙏
I take off my dress and dance in my bikini in the sun, showing you my feet, butt, and breasts as I relearn how to appreciate my body for what and how it is 👙🧡
A few from while I was away visiting a friend.
Coming up: a few feet and a video of me dancing in a bikini as I try to remember my body and how to use it 😅👣👙
I am working on getting a part time job, moving to a different nearby city, and saving for a new GPU as my hand-me-down 960 seems to finally be petering out, so your support is so appreciated 🧡🙏
Another gallery of feet for those interested! High contrast playing with my LED strip and various poses. If this content is up your alley, feel free to let me know what kinds of images/poses turn you on so I can deliver more in the future! 👣🦶🦶
⚡FLASHING LIGHT WARNING⚡
This summer, in the midst of my manic unraveling, I invented a new technique- live light painting- using nothing but OBS. All of this is done 100% live with zero editing after recording. I have several different effects/variations that all look completely different, this is just one of them. Enjoy!
By popular request, a gallery of my feet in one of my favorite pairs of shoes and naked, including soles and toe spreading. This OnlyFans will continue to remain free, but I figure it makes sense to offer additional/extra/specialized content for those who have expressed interest! 💙🧡
Thank you to all 200 of you for sticking around and admiring my form and showing your appreciation. The money I've made here on OF has been our sole income for much of this summer and has been absolutely crucial to our survival as I recover from hospitalization and start learning strategies for living with bipolar disorder. Thank you for reminding me that I am not alone.
I cannot be fucked with reordering every carousel individually within this shitty mobile UI just because onlyfans doesn't know how to retain upload order 🙃
You'd think after a decade of on and off sex work I'd have this down to a science, but I still don't really know how to take pictures of myself. I just like making the light hit the lines of my form in interesting ways 😅
Thanks for bearing with me this summer, y'all. This week really made me reflect on how many old grievances and feuds I'd been holding in my heart and dragging along behind me from place to place. I'm realizing that wagging my finger at "bad guys" doesn't help them or me. If you're one of the people I've crusaded against- especially if you're one of those who've stalked, harassed, or otherwise tried to retaliate against me in the aftermath- please hear that I am no longer interested in policing other people's journeys. I just want to live quietly and peacefully in my own story and learn to be happy with where and what I am.
I wish you all the same. Thanks for supporting me on my journey, as always!
I know I normally share every detail of my life with the internet, but this past week I went through something I don't know how to talk about. I was hospitalized, and it cast many of my habits, beliefs, and attitudes in sharp relief. I have a lot of healing to do as I learn how to live on the other side of this experience, so your support and patience is appreciated. Maybe in the future I will be able to go into detail, but for now I'm just trying to put one foot in front of the other and be grateful for each tiny step and each day that passes.
Sending you all my whole heart this morning. Life is beautiful. 🧡💙
The first song I ever danced to on cam was Ravel's Bolero. I'll never forget how unbridled and sexy I felt taking off my dress to the marching drum beat. What other offbeat songs do you think would make for good dances?
I am working really hard on healing my relationship with money.
Being born to 2 disabled parents with zero income has really done a number on my attitude toward finances. Money is something I associate with robots, people devoid of humanity or compassion. I associate it with Bezos, Elon Musk. With my uncle- a malignant narcissist who has used his money to hoard wealth for himself while giving the bare minimum to others, who told me to stay in Colorado when my mom was dying because it was "impractical" to rush home. It's something I associate with oppression, with the people who destroyed my mom's life, with the serial r4p1$t who currently oppresses and controls my hometown, and with so much injustice in the world. To me, money is the opposite of Love- it says "I will do this thing not because I want to give what I have freely, but because you have something I want."
I believe we ALL deserve to have nice things (even malignant narcissists and other "bad guys")- not just basic necessities, and we shouldn't have to do ANYTHING to "earn" them. I am willing and eager to work hard at what I love, but the moment it becomes "X in exchange for Y," it feels like the opposite of Love. My constant goal and source of inspiration is Love, and so every time what I want to share turns into a debt, my heart and mind shut down like a steel trap. This is why I no longer offer custom content, Patreon, paid onlyfans content, or any other incentive-based stuff.
I'm really, really trying to change the way I think about this because I know this mentality has made me rely too heavily on "charity" (though there's a reason that charity is often used as a synonym for love). But there have been many, MANY people in my life who have been beautiful examples of what money can do- the friend who gave me my piano, the friends who financed my life in Chicago, the Miracle Stream, and every friend who has tipped me to help me survive over the years. And in that light, if I can make enough to take care of my basic needs, then I am better equipped logistically and psychologically to take care of others as those people have taken care of me. Maybe money isn't inherently evil, it's how it's used that matters? Feels like a coping strategy or justification for cultural selfishness, but maybe it is true.
If you're one of those who have seen value in me and what I put into the world and tipped me, please know that the immense gratitude I feel is the very thing that keeps me from responding or reaching out to say thank you individually each time. I feel so overwhelmingly guilty for receiving anything in exchange for what I have to share- whether it be writing, art, music, or titty pics- because being paid feels wrong to me.
I wish we lived in a society that recognized the necessity of taking care of each other and allowing every individual to bring their gifts and talents to the table freely, for the sake of the mutually assured survival and flourishing of the species, but we're not there yet.
In the meantime, thank you from the bottom of my heart for accepting what I have to give, and being patient with me as I try to grow into a fully-fledged adult at the ripe old age of 33 after a lifetime of financial trauma.
Love,
⭐
Here is my meatsuit
Please admire & share resources if you feel so moved
Also I need to figure out where to put my money because I haven't had a "real" bank account since Colorado but I can't abide overdraft/membership fees- I've checked out several online-only banks and credit unions like Alliant and Ally, but am undecided. Since I know many of you are not financially illiterate like me, I'd appreciate banking recommendations!
