Im just gonna say this here. First of all im so grateful for..

Im just gonna say this here. First of all im so grateful for the few who help me. For those who care about my situation. Those who are kind & considerate. Who treat me like a human. I dont need to be saying this, because its my personal life, but after a few shitty messages i feel i need to. For a long time ive had bad anxiety & traits of agoraphobia(i didnt realise this at the time) The past year or so my agoraphobia has grown & grown. I fell into a deep depression. For the past 5 months or so ive been working with a crisis team, who ive been on suicide watch from. Im seeing so many care workers & teams of crisis people. It has been very hard to get out of bed most days. Ive not been eating properly. Ive knackered my back due to low mobility. I’m not some bullshitter whos just trying to make a quick easy penny. I never have been like that and i never will. Ive not been asking for help because i make thousands a week. The past 6 months ive been living off my savings because my income became unliveable. And now, 8yrs worth of savings are gone. Im in a constant depression loop because as soon as it feels okay. Something else happens. You lot dont really know me, so i get that you think its ok to judge me. You’re probably used to seeing those who flaunt their earnings. But thats not me. I dont make loads of money. Until the past year i made a very standard wage. Im not saying any of this because i want more money or because i want sympathy. But tonight ive had 1 person accuse me of living a certain lifestyle and thats why im financially screwed. I dont drink. I dont do drugs. I dont buy fancy things. Had a person who i actually told some very personal things tell me - i deserve to be feeling this way, after i said no to an esc*rt booking. Because how dare i say no to that, right? Ive had people tell me this is just an act and i obviously have loads of money. You think i want people to think im just some sad depressed girl who cant get out of bed? Hows that a thing? Oh yeah cos thats what you lot are here to see… some sad girl whos on fucking suicide watch. It isnt a ploy. It isnt a scam. Its not fake. I have panic attacks if someone knocks on my door. I havent stepped out the house unless im taken by carers since i went away in july. When i went away in july i panicked almost every day. I cant go in my back garden with my dogs because i panic and want to get back into bed. This isnt a scheme. This is my real life. And i know noones probably going to read all this. And thats fine. But please, before you judge people. Have some compassion. Im trying my hardest to get better so i can continue to work. I dont like that ive taken time off. I dont like that ive lost 90% of my customers. I dont like that i cant leave my house. And i dont like being suicidal. But this is my life and im fucking trying.